In TV land...

I like to think my TV was telling me to have an awesome Friday. I like to think he thinks I am pretty darn cool and deserved a happy greeting to send me off to work this morning.I like to think that my TV loves me, and is giving me a happy off to visit my mom smile. I like to think that, but I think it means I need to clean him.

Thanks Hubs you rock.

GAH! It's snowing. My tulips and lilacs and all my pretty things! WHAAAAAAAAA!

I'm a poser...

This is for my future ukulele album of goodness that should be coming out around the time I am 80.



I think if I keep practicing and keep living in a small town with no one to help me that should be a good target time to expect it. I am getting a little better and I love it. At least it's fun to pretend.

I am hoping that in the coming months or so I will be brimming with wonderful news. There are some interesting things that may be on the table. Please keep us in your prayers. Sunday we have a meeting with one such exciting prospect and I really am hopeful it will go well. This is me speaking cryptically, mostly to keep myself from totally freaking out and jumping into the vortex of hope that I am apt to do, but also just so I don't get everyone else totally psyched out about something that I am really and completely unsure of. Anyway, double prayers appreciated and accepted here.

Thank you so much for all of your love and support it really means the world to us.

Change is not good...

I decided to change my blog layout to make it pretty and less white and boring and what happens? It is pretty but I lost all my fancy lists that help me know what is going on with my friends and family and that was the best feature ever! *Whine* So, I will fix this but this is also why I am so behind on reading. Blah to that.

Vegas was a fun filled trip with lots of sleeping and sore legs. Walking should not be that painful but you want to look cute because you are in Vegas so uncomfortable shoes right? We went to see the Blue Man Group. Strange but so cool. All I could think the whole show was "God Bless America!" These men put together something so weird and cool and they make money doing it. It's awesome. I need to find something like that, something I love and can be at least supported doing. I have ideas. I will let you know if they ever come to fruition.

We went on the dam tour at Hoover dam. We were late for the tour of the whole dam so we got to see the power plant it was pretty cool. Our friends who went with us, she got really sick the first day and they went home so we are seriously lacking in pictures because when you just have two it's hard to get pictures. Anyway, I need to clean because our social worker from LDS social services is coming on Tuesday and I need to be prepared. I hate to clean it's just so ongoing and never ending you know? It's really not that bad but I am lazy from vacation and laundry, I think laundry is the worst. I also need to figure out what I want to make for dinner and get away from the computer.

Recap:
Too much computer
No idea what to make for dinner
Vegas is cool and so is the dam
Ideas for making money
cannot keep up because all blogs are not in a neat space, will be fixed soon.
MUST CLEAN!
Bye.

Random thoughts...

1. I am seeking a creative outlet again. Maybe I need to take up the picture project again. I would like to get a new camera that was cooler and better than mine but I am too lazy to figure out all of the settings and junk. I just need someone to show me how to do it, you can tell me and all I hear is the teacher from Charlie Brown movies. I wish I had time to set up photo shoots, I keep having such, what I think are fun ideas. I need to find a band and take pictures for their CD's.

2. I am really hopeful this month. I really hope it's my month and if it's not I know it's coming soon. It would be amazing if it was this soon though. Wouldn't that be amazing? Let me answer for you, it would be amazing.

3. My winking cat salt and pepper shakers make me so happy.
I saw them at a store in town and knew instantly they had to be mine. Seriously, aren't they the best? I think I shall call them Ozzie and Isabelle

4. I am so completely excited for Spring! I remember being a little girl and loving spring. It was not popular or maybe it was too popular so I felt like a follower but Spring is my favorite. Not only is it time for my birthday which more and more is not so cool, but I just love the thought of rebirth and starting over fresh. I love flowers and baby bunnies and warmth and Easter. And Orange Blossoms! Oh my gosh the Orange Blossoms. I miss them soooooo very much. I guess I just feel very positive about what is coming. Plus I have the coolest bunnies evar!

They make me very happy too.

5. I finally took down my pine cone wreath, I guess March 6th is as good a time as any. I say this as I am pondering getting more wood to start a fire. Did I mention warmth is on the way, I hope soon?

6. I bought Ballet pointe shoes on ebay. It's my practical side coming out. O_o Jason thinks I am crazy but I am just thinking it would be fun. What little girl didn't want to strap on a pair of those baby's and give it a try? I want to dye them red or Bright blue or Teal or Purple or fushia. Something fun, I am not sure of all the ins and outs of dying ballet shoes though. So maybe photoshop will have to do the Dying for me.


7. We need a new couch. Wow, are they expensive or what?

8. Freezing wind is the pitts.

9. That is all.

My vintage find...

I love a deal! So here is my latest and I think it's awesome!



$25 more than I would usually spend on...well, anything, but it's so super cool and cheap for what it is.

I just need a super fancy place to wear it and some skinny jeans, (which for all intents and purposes I am not sure how I feel about) according to my friend. I think in the right outfit with some of my super cool feather hair pieces it could be a modern vintage feel.

These are my feather things, because apparently I think I need three thousand of them. O_o I am contemplating selling them but I am not sure they are up to par. They are pretty! I like making things it makes me feel better.



And then today I saw the Hugo looking out the window and it was funny to me.



There's a place for us. Somewhere a place for us. I don't know he just looks cool.
Yes I do have to doctor all my photos, mostly so you can't see how gross my couch is. We need a new one so bad.

I have a new barrage of herbs to try. We will see how they do. More than anything I just want to feel normal and be normal and maybe even get pregnant like a normal person does. That would be cool. I am fine with whatever way my family gets to me, I guess if you are the one who is pregnant you know you are more than likely getting a baby and you have more control. Maybe the lesson I am to learn from all of this is to relinquish a little control. Seems to be the theme for my life. Be still and know that I am God. I have a hard time being still, either way balance and happiness would be cool, yay herbs!

Pie time!

I made a lemon pie tonight!
Because...
1. My Rachel is here and she will help me eat it
2. It's been pie time for a while now
3. Pushing daisies has been canceled and I don't even get to see the last three episodes and it makes me bitter and hungry. O_o (these are my angry eyes)
4. I can
5. I like to make things. I wish I had more time to do things like that. Of course, I would be huge if I did, but I do like making things.

I also made a huge awesome purchase. Well hugely awesome, not huge. I found a vintage fur caplet in the thrift store today and it's awesome! I am quite excited about it and I think a photo shoot is going to be mandatory! It's so cool. I am quite happy about it. Of course, all things vintage make me happy.

She's the one eye love...

Yesterday I was doing laundry. That's not the interesting part of this story for we all know laundry to be most uninteresting. I am pouring the crystal blue goodness of some generic tide into my laundry cup and I drop it. This is not that interesting either, but has great bearing on the outcome of this story. The cup drops from my hands and as if it is in slow motion, I watch it hit the ground. It lands quite flatly and up from the cup comes a great geyser of generic tide, like a fountain right into my open right eye. Did you know that when you get generic tide in your eye, you need to flush your eye for a full 10 to 15 minutes? This is what I had the pleasure of learning about yesterday, and would be the interesting part of this story for those of you following along. I flushed for as long as I could stand and my eye hurt all night. This morning I could not open it. It had been sealed shut with tears or whatever eyes seal themselves with. Ew.

The puppy has gone home. I don't think I will be jumping at the chance for another puppy any time soon. Two is plenty and mine are eccentric enough without another friend to add to the fun. I need a nap.

I woke up in 1952

I am still trying to figure out my hair. It has been this short before but it has never been this foofy and curly and short before and since I am busy trying to make lemon aid out of this unexpected hair challenge I tried something new and totally old at the same time. I pin curled it. I pin curled it the way Aunt Carolyn told me to, only bigger pin curls and this is what I got.




This was first thing in the morning. It actually looks much better now. Maybe I will see how it fares overnight.

You gotta try the hat out, it's standard procedure.

And the winner is...

ME!
The most beautiful shoes I have ever seen were at Marshall's for $60, that's Marshall's price and while I would've preferred the black patent, I consider myself lucky to have scored these beauties for a mere $15. I am the great bargain hunter. I have been taught by the best from a young age about the elusive and fabulous bargain. My mother was a pro, could I have bought these in the color I really wanted for $60 sure, but what's the fun in that? Plus, my friend got them in black and probably would've rather had the brown. Life is fun in that ironic kind of way. May I present my most fabulous shoes and a random cat picture or two...









I am so happy to have my photo editing junk on this computer again. *throws confetti*

Oh and this is my accordion from a while ago cuz I am awesome!

G-g-g-g-g-reetings...

It's been a bit chilly here the last few days. I am not really happy about this skipping seasons stuff that has been going on. My most favorite seasons are the transition seasons Spring and Fall and I have now missed both this year. It's either hot or cold there seems very little in between.

The hubs and I just got back from taking pictures.

From talking to older people and experiencing it myself, it would seem that we carry with us a view of who we are inside. We think we know what we look like, and then catch a glimpse of ourselves in the mirror or in the monitor of a digital camera and it's almost like you are thinking, "who the heck is that person?", only to find out it's you. In my case, to my horror. Suddenly the whole photo shoot idea seems so bad to me. I am not sure when this other person ate the bean pole girl I was, but I sure wish she hadn't. *sigh*

I am trying out The daily plate.com to see if it can help me find myself again, in a matter of speaking. I am finding though, that I don't eat so bad on my own. I set it to help me loose a pound a week, and I gotta say I am not missing out on much, or maybe I am just forgetting all of my snacks. Anyway, I am going to give it a whirl but I am of the opinion that there is something wrong with me. Something that effects my hormones (infertility) and quite possibly my ability to maintain and loose weight. Of course, finding a doctor who will even entertain the idea seems nigh unto impossible.

So, I will post pictures later, if there happen to be any that I feel I want anyone to see.

Weekend plans...

I am excited about this weekend. It's Conference, which can be somewhat time consuming but I have been really excited to hear what is going to be said. It's going to be great. I have had friends suggest in the past praying for something specific and then really listening to conference and they say you will get an answer. I am sure I will, but I am going to try to take notes and the whole nine yards. I need some spiritual nourishment. :)

Sunday afternoon I think we are going to head out to the forest and try to get some pictures for our adoption profile. We will probably head out to the aspen trees by the peaks. Of course, it could be freezing cold and raining on Sunday in which case, I am hopeful that next weekend won't be too late to capture the Autumn magic. Either way the hubbs and I with a tripod ought to prove for interesting pictures. If all goes well we might actually have a picture to post! Woot!

Also, I have been informed that foster care classes start later this month. Now we have to decide if this is really a direction we should go. The adoption route seems so long, and the foster route sounds like it could involve A LOT of emotional pain for me, I just don't know if I could handle giving the babies up, so good thing conference and the prayer answer challenge are upon me. It's hard to decide what to do. I feel like I walk and walk but it's still the same ol' fork in the road.

I got a new phone! *throws confetti*

Isn't she pretty? Her name is Ruby and I am just so happy to have a display that displays I could dance. *pets Ruby*

Lessons in life...

It's not the deformity of one's body,
it's the rise of the pants.
And so I bid a fond adieu,
to the low and ultra low rise.
May you never grace my back and bottom side again.

I like feeling better about myself. It's nice.
Who knew pants could make all the difference?

I am a rambler...

I have some rambling to get off of my chest. You get to read it! *puts a gold star on your shirt* Yay!
So, the adoption guy came. (I guess he will from now on and lovingly be known as "the adoption guy".)He came and had interviews with us. Of course, mine was a watery interview. It's very difficult for me to discuss such things as my feelings about infertility with a stranger. I find with friends and even co-workers I can talk about it and I am actually very fine with it but something about doctors and men in suits, I don't know what it is, but it was watery. I had to go back to work afterwards so that was fun. It's good though, kids have a way of putting you right back into the now.

Anyway, most of his interview, I think, was to see if I was ready to accept my infertility and accept another child as my own. I wasn't clear enough to have said this but as I have had this weekend to reflect, I really do believe that most of my frustration and emotional output about this subject is just the time line. You know, my mother adopted three children, her mother adopted three children, I always knew that being in this position was not only possible but likely. I came to terms with that as a young adult. My siblings are still my siblings, they were not treated any different, they are my family and always have been. I don't feel like it's a challenge to love someone who lacks your DNA. I wouldn't have thought anyone would have a problem with it until I got certain comments growing up like, "Oh, so your parents treat you differently right?" What? No. Family is family is family. And so I guess I am hoping that my emotional reaction to a strange man asking me how I feel about infertility did not in some way communicate that I am not ready to accept a child that is not born of me, because that's not it at all. I am frustrated because since I was 8 I wanted to be a mom. I am frustrated that 4 years later I still don't feel any closer to that goal. That's what's hard, the waiting and the wanting. The wondering why and if I really am going to be able to walk on my own when they graduate from high school. Will I get to know my grandkids? That's the hard part. All I can do is trust that God knows what's best and what he's doing and that one of these days, this has got to give. I know it in my heart. I know I will be a mother, but as the days wear on, sometimes it's hard to believe it.

Whew, glad that's out there. I also am just so happy I have a friend here now. *throws confetti* It is so nice. It's nice to have a good friend close again. I think women just need friends. My husband is perfectly content to have me as his only friend, I am not, but he would be totally happy that way. Women just need someone to yak at I think, and it's nice when that person yaks back. Go friends!

Anyway, Have a good weekend.

Slobbery old man kisses...

We have a little old man in our small hamlet of a town who cannot hear and yells everything. Yesterday I was about to go into my school yard and I see him coming towards me. "Is that Petey?" I yell out, the old familiar high pitch laughing starts. He tells me has to go back for a shot at the health center. He tells me I am a beautiful woman and pats my cheek. He goes in for the kiss, I fake to the left, he kisses my cheek. That's not good enough for ol' Petey, oh no Petey goes in for the kill and plants an old man kiss right on my lips!
"Are you single or married?"
I say,
"Married!"
He asks,
"Single?"
I yell,
"MARRIED!"
"That's OK, I like married women better anyway. You are a beautiful woman."
Petey laughs and pats my cheek. I hear him talking as he walks down the street. I go into work and smile. At least I may have made his day a little brighter anyway.