Premature...

I am sure most of you have heard. Remember how I had babies coming in February, or maybe January? They decided to come in November. So, things have been a little tad bit crazy.
As it turns out, I must have a higher tolerance for pain that I thought. This is evidenced by the fact that I didn't realize I was in labor until my water broke and it was everlastingly too late to do much to keep those kids in. J was gone hunting, Lexi was up to help me, and the twins were bound and determined to come.

I had an emergency C section. There was a time I was afraid of being abducted by aliens, I think I have experienced the closest thing to it. They wanted to fly me to the hospital. The dr. came in and told me I was fully dilated, he said he could see a head. Emergency C-section, here I come. Bright lights people holding me down and shoving things places things should not be shoved. Bless Lex, I think Lex was going to march herself in there with me. They had to stop her from coming in, her face was so sad. I remember telling her it would be OK. The one guy kept telling me he was going to put me to sleep and I just remember thinking "OK then do it, I don't want to feel this catheter if you don't mind."

I woke up to my brother in law and one of the Dr.'s giving me a blessing. From here details are fuzzy, I was fuzzy. My parents were there, J was driving down from Flagstaff. From what I understood the babies were alive and going to be flown to TMC. I got to see them in the transport, I remember it took longer than I thought it would. My family brought me pictures, Lex took some with my phone. J called, he was broken down in Globe. My parents drove our other car down to him and he headed to Tucson to be there with the babies. His parents met him there. Or so I hear.
Lex slept in the hospital, she stayed right with me. When they thought they would fly me out, she was going to get on that helicopter with me. They had to tell her she couldn't. She is good to have around in an emergency. I am glad they didn't fly me out looking back, I can't imagine her driving to Tucson, she would have flown. Three days in the hospital and I finally got to go and see my babies. Apparently, J should have died driving that truck, we are so blessed. Can you imagine if he had been in a horrible accident too? Words cannot express how blessed I feel.

This is Mr Moonpie

This is Doodle Bug

It's only been two weeks since they came, it's been a total roller coaster. My emotions have run a muck. I have never cried so hard, or been so completely overwhelmed with gratitude. I have been angry at the situation, and so utterly relieved by the situation. As of now, all I know is that the priesthood is amazing, people are good and kind and giving, and I completely believe in miracles. We have witnessed miracles. The miracles to get the boy, and now the miracles of these sweet little babies. They keep doing better, and I am just so glad they made it and keep fighting through. I was able to hold Moonpie when he was 10 days old, and today was the first day I was able to hold my Doodle, 16 days old.

This is me holding Moonpie.

Moonpie was 2 lbs 11 oz 15.25 in long
Doodle was 2 lbs 9.5 oz 15 in long

They are both doing pretty well, Doodle struggles a bit more than her brother. Please keep them in your prayers. Thank you so much for your love and support, we are truly blessed by you all.

Late Halloween

Before the car and blanket:

After the car and the blanket:

Note to self:
Make-up after the car and blanket. Lesson learned.

Possibly upcoming: I crocheted something really cute and I don't know how many of my readers crochet, so I have been debating putting it up here. You see, it's a Christmas present, and I am grappling with the joy of surprise and the joy of getting to make a present for some lovely little girl you know. If you are interested let me know, otherwise it will be a post for another year, next year to be exact. :)

Fall for the boy...

Yesterday J's aunt took Grandma, J, The  boyand I out to the pumpkin patch. At first I wasn't sure I really wanted to hop back into the car, to tell the truth, I feel as though I could never go on a road trip again and be fine. I am sure that feeling will fade with time, but I am over it for the time being.

That being said, I am really glad we went. We took the scenic route, and it was really nice. I had never been that way and it was nice to see some off the beaten paths in our grand old state.

Messing with my setting since I don't know what I am doing.

Apple Annie's pumpkin patch was our destination. This is lesser Apple Annie's, I think the one further on up was the main Apple Annie's. This is my logic on this one, I didn't see an apple tree where we were. The corn maze was pretty impressive. We didn't have time to go through and it cost $7 to get lost in it. Really Apple Annie's?

The boy loved it. His favorite? I am glad you asked.

This machine type thing. He was enthralled.

His auntie decided she would let him pick out a pumpkin, he liked that too.

He picked one out that was just his size. And today I had the pleasant surprise of hearing him say "unkin" He can say pumpkin. What a boy I have.

Another thing we found to be The boy's favorite. Dilly Beans. They are fresh green beans which have been pickled. They were really good. The boy loved them! I think he would've eaten the whole jar. Weird. kid.
It was a really beautiful night and a really fun time. Thanks Aunt Debbie! We had a blast!

The boy also had a lot of fun with the rocks. Which is good, because our new place is basically built on rocks. Mud pies and rocks for us! Yup, we are moving out on our own. Our very own double wide on dirt. We are renting it, but I am still really excited. It will be like Christmas when I get to crack open all those boxes of my stuff. I won't miss the stairs, but we will miss Grandma. Hopefully people will still come to visit us. They really should, I will have babies that need holding soon.

Until Next time.

Halfway home...

Seriously guys, I am already huge and I am technically only half done. Of course, I figure I am more than half done, because I probably won't go all the way to 40 weeks, but yeah....

Insane right?

The boy and I have had some bumpy days. He is starting to run and his little legs get going a little faster than the rest of him.
He is talking more, It's hard to say what his first word was, but we have some vocab going.

If he spits on you raspberry style Phhhhlt! That means Up. He is actually starting to have it sound more like up now, but I have to memorialize the spit.
Sheeeth = teeth and means he wants to brush his teeth.
Dada, Daddy, Dad, = Dad
cheesh = cheese
shooosh = Shoes
anket = blanket
Shesus = Jesus
eeeesh = please

He also uses hand gestures to tell us which song he wants to sing.
A waving finger = 3 monkeys swining in a tree
Hands rubbed together = slippery fish
Hands up in the air fingers waving = Twinkle Twinkle
points at picture of temple = I love to see the temple
Picture of President Monson = Follow the prophet

I like him lots. Even with a bruised noggin.

What we are having...

Here we are having fun at the lake. The boy was pretty unsure at first. He didn't know what to think. He seems to be a cautious boy who likes to check out a scene first before he jumps right in. After a few minutes, he warmed up to it, even if his teeth were chattering the whole time.

Here we are having a very blue moment. I think he turned into a smurf or something. This was a caving moment. Every time we head to Bashas we hear a tiny squeak like a little dog barking, it is the boy begging to ride the cars.

We are still having two babies.

We, in the very British sense of the word, are having a hard time giving up these two hot dogs. They might just have to stay with us.

We are having a hard time finding room for all the ultra sound pics.

We are having one who is stretched out and easy to see a nice profile on, and one who is squeezed and has a scary skeleton face.

Our little boy is the photogenic comfy guy, and our little girl is crammed and squeezed. We are having a boy and a girl, and we couldn't be more excited about it!

Bumps in the road...

Hi there,

Some have been asking to see my bump. *Fan fare* The time has come!

I call this one, "Trying to look cute, while feeling like crap and it's hot and I want to die." This was supposed to be my every week outfit that we were to watch in wonder as I ever expand. Ha! I am 11 weeks here.

This one I simply call. "My bump in the road" I know, I am so clever! 16 weeks here.

So, between the lack of energy and motivation. The hip that will not stay in place and the evil charlie horses of doom. The side sleeping and wrestling a memory foam body pillow in an alligator like death spiral every night. (It's green and fuzzy, and heavy as all get out.) The headaches and general blahs. The terror of bleeding and worrying about all that can go wrong. Being pregnant is awesome. :) No really, it is. Anything worth doing is going to he hard right? I am starting to feel better. I am grateful I wasn't sick. I know women who are sick the entire pregnancy. You guys are saints, because seriously the 24 hour flu has taught me the limits of my wimpdom and I don't think I could deal with days or weeks or months of sick. You are troopers. I am grateful for this experience, I am grateful for the wonderful blessing it is to be entrusted with two more sweet little spirits and I hope that with God on my side, I am up to the task at hand.

In other news, remember that time that the boy went to visit his aunt and uncle and cousins so mom and daddy could have a date?

Remember how we came to pick him up and he was sitting in a planter of water and mud, happy as a clam?

Remember how mom forgot his bag of wet clothes and just now got around to putting them in the wash?

Remember how the pants sprouted...something? O_o

It appears to be a watermelon sprout. I am awesome.

And just because I can, and he is awesome.

Mr. Sun, sun, mr. golden sun...

Please stay behind that tree!

Is anyone else just sick to death of the heat? I am in a slightly cooler place where it actually cools off at night and I want to cry.

So I found a bunch of these on pinterest.

And I thought, how hard could that be? Plus, added bonus, I won't have to sit with a hair dryer or something hot, I have the power of the SUN!

Problem is, I really underestimated the power of the sun, or I over estimated the how much it would take to melt a crayon.

I learned long ago from a hard hitting and controversial science fair project that different colored crayons melt at different heats so I expected to see some drippy awesomeness in my little project. Silly me.

VAPORIZED!
You see, when it's the basically as hot as hades, melting temps really don't matter. Add in the fact, that I stupidly stuck the thing in my car to "speed the process" and this is what you get. I left it out there for two hours. O_o I blame pregnancy brain. Seriously, what was I thinking. Either way, it's kind of nice right?

So I tried again, and I left it out front, not in the car and within 45 rockin minutes I got this.

I had to adjust it, I laid it flatter to try to get some drips, but again, might as well be walking on the sun.

So the moral of the story is this. If you want a drippy cool version of this I have seen people use blow dryers, and someone said they ran the crayons through a hot glue gun, maybe a heat gun of some sort, but if you are relying on the sun, he will take it all, and he will take it fast. I still like them and considering I bought the 24 pack of crayons X 4 at .40 a pop and the canvas was two for about 8 at wal- mart, it's a fun little project and I am excited to have it up in the boys room. Crayons are on sale now so go if you want to try it out!

Try this on for size, the one in the link sold on etsy for around $70. Really? Considering the materials cost about $6 I am happy with my versions. :)

Sorry about my pics, there are not a whole lot of great places to get pictures at Grandma's it's kind of a cave, which, with the heat I am OK with.

I still want one of these

Source: lolhehehe.com via Kelly on Pinterest

Apparently they are illegal in AZ because they are worried people would get them and they would get loose and kill the natural balance. How can something that cute be illegal?

Arizona

The restrictions in AZ are rather bizarre. African Pygmy hedgehogs are 'officially' legal, but Arizona Game & Fish Department will only allow keepers to have hedgehogs if you can first meet certain housing and other requirements. The requirements that they stipulate are virtually impossible for even large, accredited zoos to meet. As a result, there is little chance that the average person will be allowed to keep a hedgehog within the state

Lame. I want one and I want to name it Louis.

They can be litter trained and they don't smell. Perfect.

Fun is spelled ER

My husband just told me he wanted to help me write this post so it didn't sound too bitter. I don't know what he's talking about.

Sunday I started to bleed. I wasn't too worried, I wasn't happy about it or not worried at all but the Dr. had mentioned that if they were to take me off of the progesterone shots cold turkey, people bleed a lot and it freaks them out. So, knowing the glories of my body, I kind of figured even with the weaning I would probably have some bleeding. It was more than I had had in the past though and the hubs looked pretty worried. After consulting with the Dr. we decided it may be worth it just to go and get an ultra-sound if only for peace of mind. My dear friends, remember this, the ER is not for peace of mind.

Off we went to the ER blissfully unaware of the torturous hell that awaited me. Ultra sound, how bad could it be? Another tip for any of you ER goers. If you are not hemorrhaging blood, or on the verge of death, a 10 minute wait time = 50 min. I think that's the official conversion.

So we got through triage and waited our "10 minutes". There was a poor man in a wheel chair that looked like he was in a lot of pain. They told him 10 minutes too, I thought he should probably get back before us, but we were first. They put us in our room and shut the door. The Dr. and two nurses came in and said hi talked to us, told us they were ordering an ultra sound and left. We sat there wondering where they were "ordering" it from. Philly? Maybe from New York? Maybe it was being flown in from Paris right then! J was hoping he would at least get a tracking number emailed to him after they ordered it so he could at least have an idea when it would get here.

I ask for water, and the nurse says, "let me ask and see if it is OK"

Hour later.

Grumpy ultra sound tech guy came in, looked at me and walked out. OK? That was weird.


In comes the Dr. "I understand you are refusing a foley?"

Me: *blink Blink* What's a foley?

Dr.: Nobody talked to you about it?

Me: Uh, no, what is a foley?

They made it sound like the only way to have an ultra sound was to have this foley that they spoke of. Folks, a foley is a catheter. So, being the naive girl that I am and trusting the medical professionals around me, I said, "I will do what I need to do."

In comes nurse Betty (That is her real name). I am starting to re-think this whole process. It seems to me the last time I needed an ultrasound in a hurry I just drank lots of water and all was well except for the needing to pee. I told her I didn't want it. She laughed and told me I was funny. O_o No, I really don't think I want it. On second thought I do refuse. So I ask her how bad is it?

"Have you ever been out and had one?"

"no"

Have you given birth?"

"no"

"Oh it's probably a 10. Open your legs and relax sweetie."

Uh no. Dear readers, you know that the pain scale only goes up to 10 right? We all know this. We decided nurse Betty would be a great "interrogator" for the CIA. With a smile: "This is only going to be the most excruciating thing you have ever felt, so there will be some pressure. Of course you can tell me all of your secrets and you won't have to go through this."


I was ready to do anything not to get that giant tube shoved up me. So after like 4 attempts and me going into a hysterical meltdown of fear and pain she gave up...AND brought me two bottles of water to start drinking. REALLY? Our first move is to shove a giant tube up a person, we go there BEFORE we try WATER?

I drink two 24 oz of water in about 20 minutes. I am sitting there shivering and shaking completely freaked out of my mind. I wondered if they were trying to ensure that I miscarried at this point. I wondered if we could just walk out. Peace of mind was not worth this.

Nurse Betty comes in and tells me she needs to draw my blood. She looks all over for a vein and decides she needs to call in the big guns, the lab tech. Grumpy ultra sound guy comes in, I inform him the catheter was a no go. *sigh* says the grumpy lab tech guy, "It's going to be like 1 and a half hours then if you are just drinking water."
"yup see you then" I take a swig.

I am still shaking uncontrollably. Lab Tech comes in and tries a few veins and then tells me.

"I can't get it if you keep shaking."

Really Lab tech, I don't really have control over that, nurse Betty over there traumatized me and I am just supposed to calm right back down? One thing I have noticed about medical professionals, is they don't really realize that the hunk of flesh they are shoving tubes up, and jamming needles into are people. I don't feel there is a whole lot of empathy. So dude gets my blood, it hurts a lot. Then they tell me they are going to check my HCG. Ummm..hello? I told you I was pregnant with twins, have been for 10 weeks now. Can't the ultra sound just confirm that fact?

Dude leaves, and I throw up about 10 gallons of water all over everywhere and J. He said it was like someone put their thumb over a garden hose and turned it on full blast. I am that awesome. I call the nurse. "Umm...I threw up all over the floor" Some girls come in to clean it up. Nurse Betty comes back in, again I am so funny and she wishes she knew me because I am so funny. At this point J and I had been pretty pleasant considering. J helped me laugh through it. I love him for that.
In comes grumpy ultra sound tech. He rolls me off the the ultra sound. I didn't tell him I threw up all the water.

Grumpy ultra sound tech guy wheels me to to the state of the art ultra sound machine. I would also like to take this time point out that I drank quite a bit of water before leaving for the ER, and I am pregnant, I am also pretty sure the catheter experience triggered my fight or flight response and all the pee is right there ready for grumpy ultra sound tech. I was probably ready to be ultra sounded before all the trauma began.

I lay down, I am looking at a poster of dolphins on the ceiling. I guess that is supposed to sooth me. I was stabbed in the arm multiple times, and I had a woman try to shove a large tube inside of me; but there is a picture of 2 dolphins frolicking in the vast ocean, so everything is better.

I can't really see the ultrasound so I ask, "Are they OK?" This is why I came here, this is all I wanted. Grumpy responds, "I can't diagnose anything." I lay there praying Jason can see and let me know if they look OK. J gives me a thumbs up. Relief. Back to the room I go. J says he went really fast but he thought he saw them moving. Good, good.

Dr comes in and tells me from what he can see it looks good. There are no tears in the placenta. I still have to wait for the grand hoohaw of dr's to look at it and let us know. So we wait. Meanwhile the Dr. is trying to reach my Dr. The grand hoohaw says the same, all looks OK and they even told us the heart rates. I wish I could remember. By this time, J and I are ready to leave, we are discussing where we will go eat, because we came in at 12:20 and it's like 4 or 5 by now. Dr. says we can go soon.

My Dr. calls back. He needs them to get my blood to check my blood type and my RH. Are you freaking kidding me? I haven't eaten, I haven't really had water since it spewed out of me. I have another melt down. "Do you know how many times it took them to get this blood? Please is there any other way?" I sob. I call my parents neither of them know my blood type. I was begging them not to do it. Can I get it done at my Dr. appt on Thursday? They don't miss my veins. I will be calmer. Please ANYTHING! The Dr. explains to me that it won't effect this pregnancy but if I have an RH problem and I get pregnant again it would cause a miscarriage. This will tell you how delirious I was at this point. I said through my sobs, "It has taken us 6 years and two rounds of inVitro to get these! I don't really think it's going to be an issue! I am probably never having any more kids. I am 33 and pregnant with twins I don't think I am going to be rushing off to get pregnant after this! Please! Don't do this!"

J is sitting there looking at me wide eyed. Wondering how I could just write off having anymore kids just like that. Did I mention I was starving? The Dr. decides they don't need to get my blood, they will get my release papers ready. THANK YOU! J talks to me about what had just happened. He does not want me to regret this in the future. I told him the chances of me getting pregnant times the chances of actually having an RH problem, were a chance I was willing to take. Then I thought maybe I had been too rash, but then I decided, if I went to the Dr. and said I do want it checked it's not like it had to be done right then in that horrible and hideous moment of my life. I was confident I could have it done at a later more calm date.

I go to the bathroom, I am bleeding again. I am not going to tell them. I tell J we are not going to tell them that I started to bleed again. I sit and wait and feel a rush of blood. I go to the bathroom, yup, it's quite a bit. I better tell them. I sit in the bathroom and contemplate locking myself in there. Maybe I could climb through one of those tile roof slat things. Maybe? I come out of the bathroom, there sits the nurse (not nurse Betty, there has been a shift change a while ago.)with my discharge papers. I look at her and say, "I am bleeding again." She gets the Dr. and he says, we need to start all over.

I start to cry for the 40th time that day. The Dr. says I will need my blood drawn. J says, "We have been here since noon, can we please get some food?" 3 different people poke me 3 or four times before they call in the tech again. New tech, scary tech. Scary tech comes in and sees I am eating (finally) and says he will be back when I am done. Somehow I am not so hungry anymore. I eat slowly. They didn't bring J anything. I feel guilty for eating, and I am wishing I could enjoy it more. I just want to go home. I have been worrying about the boy and grandma and how they are doing.

The navy seal of blood techs comes in and pokes me several places. Finally he decides the best place is in my wrist. Which by the by, is the most painful place ever to have your blood drawn. They even stuck a IV connector so if they need more blood they don't have to poke me again. Give me strength. She draws what seems like 8 hundred tubes of blood, and the tears continue to flow. They give me another shot of progesterone. The Dr. does a pelvic exam and says my cervix is closed. That's good. At this point I think they realize they have done all they possibly can. I am to sit for an hour and see how much I bleed. J and I play scrabble on our phones. Our phones start to die. The nurse comes in and tells me after all of that, that my blood type is O+. A non issue! *throws confetti* She follows that statement with, "You really need to donate blood." I think I laughed out loud. I couldn't help it. It wasn't a polite chuckle either it was more of a HA! Have you not been here for the last 4 hours or so? We finally walk out of there at about 8:15 at night and we missed the rain storm. The rain storm I have been waiting for all Summer. I think I had my own personal rain storm from my eyes. That was...*sigh*

We get in the car and drive home. I think it will take a whole heck of a lot to get me back there again.

Here are my tips for the ER.

Ask questions, especially if something doesn't sound right. They are trying to get things done quickly for them, they are not thinking about you.

If you are getting an ultra sound drink water, avoid the catheter. Just say no.

If it is a pregnancy related trip to the ER, you are pregnant, and you are getting an ultrasound anyway refuse the HCG bloodwork. Who needs to be poked and bruised to find out "Yup, you sure are pregnant!" Duh.

I find that most of the time, I don't want to be that person. Go ahead and be that person. They don't think of you as a person, they think of you as a hunk of flesh and veins and holes to stick things in. Only you can stand up for yourself. After the fact I learned you can leave at any time you just have to sign a paper that says you are leaving against their advice.

Wait until the next day and go see your regular Dr. then go from there. I went to my Dr. the following day and had an ultrasound a pelvic exam and a blood draw took 40 minutes, and no catheter. Just sayin'

So now, I am on bed rest as they try to wean me from the hormones again. Wish me luck. Bed rest is not so fun. I miss my baby. Everything is OK, just hoping I don't bleed badly anymore. I am accepting all prayers and well wishes in this endeavor. Also, for those of you who are freaked out by the bleeding, it's actually quite common and unless I am bleeding super bad and having horrible cramps I am probably OK. 90% of the time you see a heart beat in an ultra sound the babies are going to be fine. So don't panic, I'm not, unless you come at me with a catheter.

The End.

swirliing whirling thoughts of doom

I feel like a blog post without a picture is a like a sandwich without the bread, which kind of makes it not a sandwich at all.
I have lots on my mind none of which will probably come out well or in an understandable manner. So you really do deserve a picture, but here's the thing. I don't really have access to a proper computer anymore. I have my phone, and I have this monstrosity that was made out of my large TV, but it's really  hard to edit pictures and do fun things without your own computer. I also have a husband who happens to live, breathe and eat computers so I don't get on that one much either. It's really killed my blogging life and my pinterest addiction. That may be a good thing. Pinterest just reminds me of all of the things I am not doing that I really want to do. I have pictures. We took wedding pictures I wanted to share, and the boy is still cute but alas. Not for you,
So, I want to rant a bit about the HCG diet. May I? I think I shall. I don't know how people think that is healthy. Aren't we all in agreement that if you limit yourself to 500 calories a day you are going to loose weight because you are starving yourself? I mean, hello? My nurse friend who stabs me on a daily basis with hormones told me the reason it "works" is because HCG is the stuff you start making when you are pregnant. All the people on it thinks it makes you think you are not hungry. (point me to the pregnant woman who isn't hungry, and not because she is sick.) It's actually that HCG tells your body to give what you have to the baby. The baby takes what it needs, you get the leftovers. So basically you are making your body think there is something in you eating the calories and because you are starving yourself it takes from your body to "provide". It's pretty creepy if you ask me. If you think that isn't drawing from your bones and your muscles you are living in a fantasy land. Plus, I have never met anyone who did it once and was cured of their weight problem. So then people keep doing it! How can that be healthy?
Which leads me to my next point. Women of the world, what is our malfunction? What would this world be like if we spent less time focused on our looks and imperfections and were a force for good in our homes and our neighborhoods? I think of all the time I have spent and still spend lamenting this or that about my body, wishing and hating on and being depressed over. It's madness! What if I used that time in more productive ways? I have been thinking a lot about how Satan has really got us all on the wrong track. I mean, what if we took that time to be fabulous? The sad thing is it just gets passed on and on and on to generations of girls, and the mothers probably never realized they were passing on those messages. My mom never told me I needed to loose weight or anything, but I went shopping with her and I heard what she said about herself. Years later when I was shopping those same sizes, I had a nervous breakdown. All of those times in the dressing room with my mom came flooding back to me like a horror film. I was fat! And here is the kicker, as a kid, I remember thinking, "what is she talking about she isn't even fat." Yet when it was me, I suddenly had a problem. I don't want to pass this on to my children! How do we avoid it? It's such a part of our culture and everything really. How do we combat this? It's been weighing on my mind, and I don't even have a girl that I know of yet. What if we took all that time and energy and all of the organizational skills of planning to stick to a diet and did more eternally significant things with our lives. I don't know about you but I have tons of spiritual stuff I really need to work on. Yet I fret about the fact that I want to be a "cute" pregnant lady, so what can I do to be "cute". Lame! It's just really hit me that if we understood the power that we as women have and took advantage of it, the world would be an amazing place. If we had self confidence there wouldn't be crazy psycho jealous girls. If we had self confidence and real peace about who we were we would all be friends and a strength to each other. I think Satan has sure done a number on us, and it kind of pisses me off. And yet, I still fall victim to it. Do I think we need to be healthy? Yes. I think if we had a healthy understanding of who we were, who we are to God, we would be living our lives in a healthy and very rewarding way. I think we should do our best to look our best and be our best and be healthy but the lamenting and the self talk and the doom! It's got to go! How do we make it go?
I think I will follow this with a favorite quote:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Marianne Williamson
 
*nods* So hopefully I will come back and read this next time I am sad that nothing fits over my chest and certain stores don't even carry my size.

Whew, Sorry about the rant kids.

So, update on the boy. He is good, he can walk but chooses not to. It's much faster to crawl and I see that he is a man who likes to stick with what works. I wonder if he will be set in his ways. I have a video of his walking though to prove it does exist! He's pretty darn cute if I do say so myself.



I could go on about pregnancy gas and how it makes me want to die sometimes, but we can save that for another time. Hopefully I will be back with pictures.

Double blessed...

I got a message from my lovely cousin asking me where I went. Here I am! I am still here and as I thought I would be oh so good about writing in a journal, alas, I haven't been. Shocker right?

I am 8 weeks pregnant today. Weird hu? I think so. I was feeling pretty crappy for the first several weeks but it seems I have mastered the eating/sick cycle and I am doing much better. Of course, as soon as I say that I start feeling yucky.

We are pregnant with twins! Can you believe it? My Dr. couldn't. He said they were both surprised because of the quality of my embryos. Thanks dude, that's a boost of confidence. As J says, what do you expect from the dollar store of fertility treatments. We didn't pay extra for bedside manner I guess. Either way, I have had dreams of deformed zombie children because my embryos were so bad, but then I figured, prayer makes such a difference. So I feel blessed and I am not so worried. I am completely terrified for when they get here but not so worried about their health. I am hopeful they will be healthy and strong and I am going to do everything I can to try to carry them to term. Have I mentioned I am totally freaked out by childbirth? I am.

Here is a video of the sonogram we had yesterday. It's on the older machine so it's not so great. I am hoping for the one in two weeks we will get the better machine and will bring you something that doesn't look like blobs.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PqayzP1J5A8

So yeah, I am really tired all of the time. Hunger hits me like that wall of dust all you valley people had to endure the other day and if I don't eat like right then I start feeling really sick. Fun times, but all worth it. In a couple of weeks or so I might even be able to stop taking shots! *fan fare and confetti* Won't that be a delight? I think so.

The boy is sleeping. Still not walking, but at least he is cute, and I think I will take this time to join him in his sleeping efforts. Maybe mom and the boy will be much happier afterwards. He's been a grumpus, probably because he has such a tired boring mom at the moment. :P

The results are in...

Hello all,
I have news, but I took the weekend to kind of just process it and contemplate my sweet little family and celebrate that J and I have been married for 7 years. It's been a crazy ride for sure. I am black and blue from shots, I am pudgy and bloated from hormones, I am a bit emotionally drained from all the travel and worry and what if's. I have had emotional break downs that I am sure have made J think I am crazy. It's been ridiculous. And so, after the longest two weeks of my life I am happy to announce that I will remain a human pincushion, because I am pregnant!

It's strange to be telling everyone when it is only about 3 weeks along, 2 and a half at the least, but you have all been with us through the whole journey and in a way it is good because I can ask for your continued prayers and support that my body might be able to carry  the baby or babies to term and that he/she/they might be healthy. We don't know how many have taken as of yet. That makes me kind of nervous, but I am hoping it won't be too long before we know what kind of madness we are dealing with. Hopefully it is only madness to the tune of one or two. I think if I had four I might go crazy. The Lord qualifies who he calls right? right? So, this is where we are right now. I am cautiously excited. I have had miscarriages in the past, but this is very different and I think everything is going to go well. I hope so anyway.

Thanks so much for all of your love and prayers and support. There are people I don't even know praying for us and I just feel oh so blessed and I stand all amazed at the love people are so willing to share and give. It's been strange in a way to be so public with everything, but at the same time, it's been such a blessing and such a support. That's why we are here, to help each other and support each other through, and I have really learned that in this process.

Thank you again! Love and kisses to all of you from all of us!

The boy, I am

Hi,
I am the boy. I am one. I like to swing on swings. I like to take baths. I like the piano and my mom's ukulele. I love cheese puffs and climbing stairs. I point like a pro and say ah while I do. I get frustrated if you don't understand what I want. I like fruit and yogurt and I like to give hugs. I have 9 teeth with another one coming through. I suck on my minky blankets. Minky is my favorite fabric. That's how I go to sleep. I sleep super good. I take two naps a day, my mom is thankful, they make me a happy boy. My parents think I am pretty awesome, I have to agree. I do have 9 teeth you know. I like my teeth, I use them to pull lids off of things. I like to try to use the hand rail on the stairs, it makes my mom freak out and worry about me, it's funny. I don't like to sit in the seat of the shopping carts. It's more fun to make my parents haul me around the store. I want to feed myself, it's more messy and fun that way. I like to rub apple sauce all over my face and hair if I get the chance. I nod, I clap, I just learned how to sign please. I really love to dance, music is my favorite. I crawl and I don't walk just yet, but I am sure I will soon. I love my mom and I love my dad and I love my Grandma and they love me.
I am the boy, I am one.

The Visitors...

We had just a few visitors this weekend. Two of which were Tati and her mommy. We were so very glad they could come to visit.

We got to break in the boy's rockin new pool. Until auntie and I got hot and tired of being outside, but they had a fun time. I know what you are thinking too, how could the boy possibly be theirs he is sooooo tan! HA! Some things are just meant to be.

cheeeese!

We went to the duck pond and found ourselves surrounded by geese.

The boy wanted them to be his very best friends. I think he wanted to ride them across the pond! He tried to touch them several times.

Tots was not so sure.

 

Come on tater tot! Look how nice they look! They really were tame. I wasn't worried, although the hissing noise they make is a little off putting. They should work on that.

Tots rode on uncle J's shoulders over to the horses with her fists clenched the whole time, she is a good sport for not throwing a fit.
We rode on the swings and slid down the slides. The boy is not much of a slides kind of guy, he stuck with the swing.

We had a nice relaxing time with Tater and L. We hope they come back sometime. The Hawaiian ice is so totally worth it.
And the geese

....