Places and spaces...

Do you ever go someplace and wonder what those walls have seen?
A place you may think of with fondness, could be painful for someone else?
The stories those walls could tell.

Yesterday, we cheerfully walked into the hall of the NICU. I saw the large group of people and I instantly knew. Their eyes told the whole story, a mama had lost her sweet baby. I walked down the hall past the room where I had first breast fed my sweet little boy, and there sat the mother holding her lifeless baby, the daddy hugging her and family all around. I felt like I had intruded in a holy space. I had seen something I was not meant to see. I said a little prayer and held back the tears, I went back by and I smiled at my babies sleeping peacefully.

A long way home...

They have come a long way. I have been able to breast feed Moon pie, he is doing so good. It's so much fun to see his little double chin. He's so talkative when he is eating. Doodle is growing so much and I am so excited about that. One of the nurses said if Doodle can get going and catch up just a little more they could be in a crib together soon.
Wouldn't that be wonderful?
It would be. I will just go ahead and answer for you.

Wow, we are so completely blessed. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, it's dim still but it's there. Maybe it's dim because I am kind of terrified to take them home and be on my own. Terrified and thrilled, because that's life.

My babies are due in a month from now. Well a month and some days. Weird hu?

So brand new...

I read this post today and it basically said it perfectly. I have felt this way for a long time, and I always say that I am going to do better but life has a way of happening and old patterns have a way of catching my wheels and dragging me right back into a rut. So, here is to consciously trying to live my life in a more beautiful way. To have more peace and more confidence in what makes me, me.

I figure it can't hurt to take on this endeavor right now. It might make it harder and I might fail, but it's worthy and I want my children, all three of them, (so weird that I have three kids!) to live in peace and beauty and learn to love themselves in the process.

Mostly, I don't want to become a stressed out wreck of a woman. So, I am going to try to rid myself of unhelpful guilt and try my best to be my best, That's all. No biggie. :)

Wish me luck. Also wish me well, I am sick and cannot go to see my babies. Gracie got so big while I have been sick. I need to get a good picture of her. In the meantime Moonpie is here to make you smile.