I have debated sharing this. Mostly because I don't want to be a crying wack-a-doo for the rest of my life, but life is about sharing the journey right? We aren't supposed to go it alone, we need each other. That is what life is all about. I have been listening to a few talks by Elder Holland over and over and over and they have really helped me during the last few months and especially last week. He says that God wants us to be strong as well as good. We can't control everything and those moments are for our growth. I know God wants me to be strong.
Last Monday night I found out I was pregnant. Tuesday morning it was confirmed again. I got my doctors appointment set for Friday after work and I had lost the baby by Thursday. Luckily my mom came up Thursday night. Jason had gone hunting Thursday morning. The doctor sent me to the hospital to get blood work done and to make sure it wasn't ectopic. I ended up getting sonograms and poked and prodded only to be told what I already knew. I had lost the baby very early on. As heart breaking and horrible this has been I am very lucky. I am very blessed that I lost it so early. I can't imagine loosing a baby further along. I don't know how I would handle that. I am also blessed because now it appears that there is a possibility of me actually getting pregnant, and as much as I had hoped it would stick I do know the Lord is looking out for me and eventually I am going to be blessed. Jason came home from his hunt early, Friday night late, I am very blessed to have such a loving and supportive husband.
Jason gave me a blessing last night. I was told I would have a family soon, that the Lord wants me to be strong and that I need to focus on my blessings. I had already restarted a gratitude journal, I was already on the right track. The key is going to be staying positive and hopeful while I wait. I am not sure how my family is coming but I am glad they are.
Rather than retreat and try to pretend this painful event didn't happen I come to you asking for your help. Please remember us in your prayers. We appreciate them and feel them help us. Also, my family is going to have a special fast for us on Sunday, if you would like to join us I would be very grateful. I am sorry I haven't been answering my phone much lately, I am getting better. It's just been hard to talk to people. I hope you will forgive me. :)
Thank you all for your love and support it means so very much. I love you all!
"Hope is critical to both faith and charity. When disobedience, disappointment, and procrastination erode faith, hope is there to uphold our faith. When frustration and impatience challenge charity, hope braces our resolve and urges us to care for our fellowmen even without expectation of reward. The brighter our hope, the greater our faith. The stronger our hope, the purer our charity."
--Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "The Infinite Power of Hope", Ensign, Nov 2008, 21–24
15 comments:
Oh Kelly! Im so sorry for your loss. Im not sure what to say, Im sure you've been having quite the emotional whirlwind. That is GREAT news that you can actually get pregnant though so keep staying strong and your lil family will grow soon. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you for sharing this with us! Love ya Missy!♥
we will totally fast for you! That must have been very hard for you. im sorry. but on the upside now we know it is possible to get prego! yay! I'm glad you shared that experience instead of keeping it in. Keep the faith.
Oh little Kelly, we all love you so much. I'm so sorry. What a hard thing to go through. It is so hard to understand the universe at times like these, but it sounds like you are on the right track. I'm so glad that you shared it, it will make it better in the long run. You are definitely in my daily thoughts & prayers. And if it helps at all, I had a miscarriage before each of my 1st 3babies, it was as if my body needed a practice run, so we will all be hoping for the best!!!
I'm crying for you right now. You are such a strong person, and I am inspired by your continued faith and hope. Hold onto that blessing because God never breaks his promises, and I got a similar blessing right before I found out I was pregnant with Paige. I'm sorry about your miscarriage, as I know how difficult it has been for some of my friends and family, but it's just amazing how you look at the positive side... that you are able to get pregnant and that you lost the baby earlier rather than later. That is my greatest fear when I'm pregnant, but next time I am, I'll just look to people like you for the courage and strength to know that I could make it through if it happened. I always tried to keep my pregnancies secret until after the biggest threat of miscarriage was over because I didn't want to have to share it with the family, so I really admire your strength in sharing because I think you are right... we are in this life together, and God gave us friends and family for a VERY GOOD REASON! As such, we will totally fast for you. It makes fasting so much easier when you are fasting for something and someone you care about. Now if I can only stop crying... ;)
Kelly, I am sure nothing I can say can make the pain of it all go away. As I sit here with tears rolling down my checks I feel a little taste of the pain you are going through. I miscarried with my first early on. It seemed that just as some people were finding out that I was expecting I had to explain that I had lost it. You are in my prayers. Thanks for your faith and example.
you mean actual red ballet slippers? or red ballet flat... cuz i know where to get the latter. you need a photoshoot to perk your spirits.
where on earth do you get red ballet slippers? i don't think I've ever come across those. I totally want to go back to jerome to do some more shooting and I've been wanting to do pics of non children... not that there anything wrong with the children just been wanting adults but you know what???? it's actually kinda hard to find willing participants! So I just set up the camera on a tripod and and take pics of me on timer. Totally lame I know. I am also thinking of checking out arcosanti as a possible phtot location. have you ever been there? I dont remember much about it but I'm thinking it might be cooool :)
I am so sorry. I'm just sitting here crying with you. Keep the faith and be strong and everything will work out. We love you both and our prayers are with you! We will also fast with you guys this sunday! :)
Oh my gosh! So sad! I have tears for you! We will for sure pray and fast for you and with you! I'm so glad that you could get pregnant though! I don't want to get your hopes up or anything, just in case, but I know alot of girls who miscarry their first and then get pregnant again soon after, like your body is just testing the idea the first time. GOOD LUCK! I love you! We need to have you over!
Oh Kelly!! I am so, so sorry to hear of your loss. I went through a miscarriage very similar to yours. It was a roller coaster week of emotions. you are so strong and amazing! I am grateful you have such a loving and supportive Mom and husband. What blessings they both are. I would love to join you in your fast. You are always in my thoughts and prayers.
Love ya! Katie
I am glad I read this today.....now I can remember you in my prayers on this special fast Sunday. I'm so sorry for your loss and I am happy you shared this.
Dear Kelly,
This is your very slow mother-in-law. I am still trying to figure out how to get on blogs and am not sure I have even done this right but I wanted to let you know how much Dad and I love you and Jason. I lost my first baby at three months and can still feel the deep emotion involved with having a miscarriage. WE pray for you every day and were grateful to be able to fast for you this Sunday. Please let us help in any way we can. We find so much joy and happiness in our family and want you to feel this same joy. I know the lord has a plan and I pray that we will all be patient enough for his plan to be shown to us. Thank you both for loving each other so much and sharing that love with all of us. We love you and hope for the very best for you both. Love Mom and Dad Edington
Kelly I just want you to know that we love you guys and will continue to pray and fast for you. Thank you for sharing this with us you are a strong daughter of God I know that he loves you and you will be blessed because you deserve it.
kelly, sorry about your bummer news. you are awesome. call me if you want to go to lunch. jeanna
Oh, my Goodness. What an emotional week that was - especially with Jason gone hunting for the first of it. I am so sorry for you, Kel. You always impress me with the teachings of the prophets that you are reading. I REALLY need to do that.
We'll be praying for you. Call me when you get the chance. {they say you are most fertile after a miscarriage... and I can confirm that... twice. GOOD LUCK!!}
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