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Have you ever chosen the easy way?
Deep down in your soul of souls you know, you know this was not the path to take.
You justify.
You make excuses.
You give in.
You took the easy road and now? Well, now, you pay the toll.
One day you look up and your baby boy is going to be four with crazy bucked teeth because you couldn't bear to take away the blankie.
That blanket is like Ritalin I tell you!
He is bouncing off the walls running screaming knocking things over with brute force. Destruction lays in his path, and all the while laughing as you try to reason with him. Give him that blanket it all goes away and he sits quietly for a few minutes and may even fall asleep.
I knew it had to go, but we moved away and I got pregnant.
I knew it had to go but the babies came so very early.
I knew it had to go but we moved again.
I knew it had to go but I didn't want to deal with the inevitable pain and anguish.
I was busy.
I didn't want to hurt him.
And now it may hurt more.
I've been preparing him for this transition.
He has asked if he can just turn three again.
He has begged.
He has pleaded.
I am scared.
I am angry at myself.
On most things I have been able to look ahead and make the tough choice early on to avoid future pain and suffering, but on this I caved.
I am pretty sure I am taking it much harder than he is.
I have been eating my feelings.
I had failure for breakfast.
Guilt for lunch
Anger for dinner
and a large helping of self loathing for dessert.
I have been stressing about his little feelings and heart.
I have been eating my feelings,
which makes me feel horrible,
now I will stay fat.
So I eat more feelings.
and I just...
yeah.
Have you ever chosen the easy way?
Easy?
PS. 9 months is the golden hour of taking away. Do not do what I did.
